Football Jargon - A Language In a League Of Its Own!

All sports have their own jargon but none is so great as 'the language of football.'

All professions like to envelop themselves with an air of mystery and often do this be by inventing/creating a language of their own, that both confuses and belittles outsiders. Doctors, Lawyers, Accountants, IT Specialists - all rely on our fear of their superior knowledge to safeguard their interests.

Of all sports, football arouses the blindest loves and the bitterest hatreds, and as a result football commentators, reporters, players and managers have developed a way of speaking to express these deepest emotions.

Football is 'unique' in that it has a language that is both lacking in poetry and invention!

This extraordinary dialogue has been created through the sheer passion felt by all those who have an affiliation with the game, and could be summed up as an assortment of incredible claptrap, baloney, mumbo jumbo, drivel, tripe and balderdash!

The contrast for example between the facility with which 'star players' express themselves on the pitch and their inarticulacy off it can be a source of embarrassment and humour!


Without further ado, here are some of my favourites:

'He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it - you can see it all over their faces' - Ron Atkinson.

'Hagi could open a tin of beans with his left foot' - Ray Clemence.

'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven dicks on the field' - Metro Radio.

'If that had gone in, it would have been a goal.' - David Coleman.

'It's like a toaster, the ref's shirt pocket. Everytime there's a tackle, up pops a yellow card' - Kevin Keegan.

'We had 99 per cent of the game. It was the other three per cent that cost us the match' - Ruud Gullit.

'I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel' - Stuart Pearce.

'When a player gets to thirty, so does his body' - Glenn Hoddle.

'The USA are a goal down, and if they don't get a goal they'll lose.' - John Helm.


Stock Phrases:

'We were robbed.'

'We gave 110 per cent.'

'This match is a definite six-pointer'

'A peach of a ball.'

'That was a bad goal to concede.'

'Now would be a good time to score'

'A schoolboy howler'


And I ask you:

Why is a left foot either 'trusty' or 'educated', but a right foot is neither?

Why is a bad back pass almost invariably 'suicidal' ?

Why are hooligans always a 'tiny minority' even when there seem to be hundreds of them throwing seats across Kenilworth Road?